Solstice Letter for December 2013

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Dear Family and Friends:

Once again, the year has flown. While I've accomplished some of the projects I wanted to do, others I have not. Peter and I have had a good year, even though each of us has had a couple of colds and in May, my allergies were the worst they have ever been, it has been a year of good health.

Peter has just fully retired. This happened in November. It is nice having him home.

I had a long dry period of not writing poetry, (several months). This was a rare occurrence for me, but I performed not only in February, but also with a small ensemble in April. I had a fair number of students this year, but several of my adult students take winter and spring holidays

Immediately after the Feb. 10th Celtic Concert, I began really composing. I had begun a large work in November of 2012, but left it to complete tasks for the Feb. 10, event. My 'Shepherd's Wail' , performed for the first time by someone other than myself, was so successfully received, that it spurred me on to return much more to composing. The first work I completed in a short time was "Vocalize for Joyce". This work will be premiered in March, The "Lament for Montreal", a programmed piano suite. This suite will be the largest work I've written to date. I am known as a miniaturist and minimalist composer.

The 'Lament' has involved me deeply, and has been one of the most emotionally creative experiences so far, in my life. Last week, I finally finished the four-movement work for piano. It is about 450 measures of music, (more if played with indicated repeats). It is planned for its premiere the 2nd week of February 2014, at my Harmelodic Club meeting. The pianist has already been chosen. She is, herself, a former Montrealer, having been born and raised in Lachine.

Peter has been amazingly supportive and helpful since I began composing this work. I realize that most composers now use digital means of notation. I've never been able to learn these programs, but I am looking for someone who will have the patience to teach me slowly, step –by –step, the easiest computer notation program, so that I do not have to write the 'finished version' for the publisher/printer, by hand.

Most of these instructors are naturally gifted 'high tech' people, who do not have the patience for someone whose abilities are very meagre, like mine. If you know of anyone in the Ottawa area who might be able to come to my aid, please refer each of us to the other. I will gladly pay for the instruction.

I have just finished reading "I Am Malala". It is the story of the courageous young Pashtun woman from Pakistan, who has fought for equal rights to education for women, and who was shot by the Taliban. It was a real 'eye-opener' for me . What I really knew of Pakistan was very little, and were snippets memorized from my Gr. 4 geography textbook. I knew more about Pakistan's wildlife, than I knew about the culture and the people. Malala's parents are Sufi's, and very moderate. They question and read much. Her father is also a teacher.

After reading the book, I began to reflect on just what I was really teaching my students. While I know that I am trying to teach them good practice habits, so that they can reach a competent stage of musical ability and enjoyment, I'm also trying to increase their awareness of the significance of learning to play an instrument, and/or sing, because musical thinking is the design of philosophy, math, physics, and so much more. I  find these young children challenging now, because they are so used to  having their classroom teacher do their thinking for them, or else they have cell phones or tablets on which they press a button or app, and the answer , (often in the form of entertainment), is there. They hardly ever have to work alone to complete homework, and their parents are often with them, doing their homework. So now, I have students who will not practice piano, if they must practice without their Mum or Dad . Although I have no absolute solution to this 'dilemma', I am determined to continue to convince young students, that learning how to read music and apply it  to an instrument, is one of the best gifts they can give themselves. I refuse to retire.

In early August, my cousin, Peter Geary, died . He was the last relative on my mother's side, to  die. I was able to rush out to his bedside a few days before he passed away. He could hear everything I said, sang and did with him. Thanks to his friends, Boris and Christine, I was able to see him in his hospice center, every day. Thanks also, to my friend, Therese, who was in France, but gave me her apartment in which to stay in Vancouver, so I could manage the trip  out to see my cousin.

Although he could not speak, he gestured with his eyes and facial expression. I learned much from being in a real hospice. It was my first time. Although I had been with several people who were dying, in my younger days, they were either in their own home, or were in a hospital. I think, when it is my time to die, and if I cannot die in my own home, I'd rather be in a good hospice, than in a hospital.

When I returned to Ottawa from Vancouver, after being with my cousin, I found it almost impossible to concentrate on anything. I found myself watching TV, or submerged in You Tube's Early Music, (usually Baroque or Renaissance, or real folk music), pages for hours. Sometimes I'd suddenly weep, for a short time. It was only after Thanksgiving, that I began to really focus on poetry and compositions. Oddly enough, I could teach with no problem, and I could sometimes sing, back in September, but for only a short time. Grieving is a different experience for me, with each person I must let go to death. I do not know if it is like that for you, but the feeling of isolation, I've heard from others, seems to be universal.

Here is a poem I wrote at that time, about my cousin's passing:

Memorial for my cousin Peter 


his entropic limbs sank like a soggen root 
beneath my hand while his eyes met mine
focused on old lyrics from his early life
invoking glimmering images before our tearful eyes

I knew his end would be in late summer
I heard him in my dreams telling me 
his bones transforming into forms
brown and blue before the rim of earth

this lost man my cousin found himself to me
despite his scars from childhood
despite my wounds of youth 
we became trees discovering new 
water no spirit ever grew

his ashes now dust need no reply from any god
while I continue to hum and stroke sibilants 
twine rewound melodies through harmonic brambles
in fields within his inner self he always knew.

Diane Stevenson Schmolka
August 30, 2013

Peter is enjoying his retirement, so far. He has been remarkably helpful and supportive, in my creative efforts. He is a superb translator, but it is very intense work. We who are musicians, artists of all types, writers, dancers and producers, are rather challenging with whom to live. It is all too easy for us to 'take over' a shared home, and, it seems, we tend to 'overwhelm' those around us. The ironic thing is, we don't even realize we are doing such things. The fact is this: we give much to society, and we catalyze  the building of communities in a unique way, but we are intensively concentrically focused on our creative processes. This often results in our not noticing the needs of those we claim to love. It is challenging for me to find a balance in my life with loved ones, whether they be family or friends. I really appreciate each and every one of you who still loves me, despite my weaknesses and involvement in so many musical, literary and other projects.

One of the resolutions I will really try to keep in this new year, is to provide more time in my life for family and friends.

Yes, I'm involved in doing PR, outreach and marketing, for a few 'arts organizations', to which I belong, but it is the same 'job' for each and all. Most of the work I do, I can do on my computer, and by telephone.

If I find that I've stretched myself too thinly, I'll find someone else to volunteer for one or another organization. I believe in these endeavours of each and every group I help, but, I will turn 70 in April. My energy is no longer 'limitless'.

One of the activities I enjoy most is attending or hosting Harmelodic evenings. Some of the most stunning performance experiences in which I've been present, have been in these events. They've inspired poetry, and created deep and abiding friendships. Although the Anniversary Project is still not yet quite completed, it is in its last stage of completion. This club is over 75 years old, and still thriving.

One of my plans for this New Year, is to try to travel more.

I also want to begin a novel. I must not put it off anymore. I will turn 70 in April. I believe time is of the essence. I have many burgeoning musical ideas urging me to write them out. There are also many songs I'd like to  perform . This past year, I met my new accompanist. Thanks to a friend who is a friend of hers, we began practicing together. She loves poetry, and I am very fortunate that she also enjoys the repertoire I like to sing. I feel very fulfilled working with her sensitive and clear coaching.

There is a special empathy needed when two or more musicians work together. A sensory-grounded term came to me, when I read recent research on new approaches to cochlear implants for those born deaf-mute.

The title of the research was "Understanding Hearing". I had taught , for a short time, a deaf-mute child to read music and play the piano. She, a very intuitive student, is now studying for her second career . When I reflect on our year together, I realize that she taught me 'hearing understanding'. I think that is what empathy really is. It is hearing understanding from the other person's perspective, while still having your own, along with the gifts and limitations of each.

I am enclosing song I wrote, which evolved from the Lament For Montreal. It is called "Winter Lullaby". I will always remember the exquisite and profound joy and wonder I had when I nursed my two winter-born offspring: Malcolm, then Moire. My Lullaby is about them and to them. Those who have e-mail, will receive it by e-mail. Those who do not, will get this letter and the Lullaby in print form in the mail.

I wish you each and all, a great Solstice and a fulfilling year ahead. Please remember despite my weaknesses, you are in my thoughts often. Your having a high place in my memory continues to inspire my writing and musical output.

Diane (Miles) Schmolka

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